


To Soothe the Savage Beast

by dhauren



Series: So The Fallen Shall Rise [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Coffee Addiction, F/M, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-10
Updated: 2013-11-16
Packaged: 2018-01-01 01:02:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1038482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dhauren/pseuds/dhauren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy Lewis was only trying to bring her boyfriend some coffee and spend a little time with him. She didn't expect to get roped into deprogramming a Russian assassin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’ll admit, I have a slight pumpkin spice problem, and that’s where this angle to the ongoing series came from. I hope you enjoy. I did. 
> 
> Don’t own it. If I did, I wouldn’t be spending time writing stories about it. 

Darcy juggled the two cups of coffee in her hands to dig her S.H.I.E.L.D pass out of the pocket of her jeans. The security guard’s eyes were a little too busy watching the way her shirt stretched tight across chest, and she wondered if he knew who she was.

“Hey dude. You’re currently oogling Captain America’s girlfriend. Consider yourself warned.”

She was a little gratified to see his eyes snap back up to her face. “Sorry,” he apologized. 

She finally worked the pass out of her pocket and clipped it to bottom of her shirt. “Even if I wasn’t, it’s just not cool to stare like that. It’s a dick move. I’m also good friends with Thor. He’s like my adopted big brother.”

There was definitely a hard swallow on the part of the guard. “I’ll…I’ll be less of a dick in the future, Miss Lewis.”

She grinned at him. “Smart move. Do you know where the captain is? He’s been all involved in this super secret project, and I haven’t seen him for two weeks. So today, Barton stops in at the lab and drops off this pass, tells me to come find my boyfriend. Do you know what’s going on?”

“Above my level, ma’am. But there’s some kind of high level prisoner came in two weeks ago, had the whole place in an uproar. Might be the first place to start looking. Subsection C, area 24.”

Darcy beamed at him. “You totally redeemed yourself from being a dick…” She dipped to look at his badge. “Bob. Really? Bob?”

He shrugged. “Robert was too formal, and Rob sounds like a wishlist.”

Darcy laughed again. “Awesome. See ya later, Bob.”

She headed for the elevator, again juggling the coffee. She hadn’t even spoken to Steve in the two weeks. He’d sent a couple of very terse texts, which told her he was in the middle of something very classified, and she was willing to bet that the high level prisoner was the metal armed fuck who’d been toying with him. There’s been shaky video uploaded to the internet of a car accident, and Natasha’s red hair in that video had been a dead giveaway as to what it was about. Plus, Stark had released her from the Tower. He wouldn’t have done that unless he’d gotten the all clear from Steve.

Something bad had happened, and Darcy needed to know what it was. She wanted her boyfriend back.

She received a few strange looks as she headed for Area 24 once off the elevator, but she had the S.H.I.E.L.D badge clipped to her shirt, so no one questioned her. The S.H.I.E.L.D office was decidedly unfriendly in appearance and feel, and she was glad that Tony Stark had rescued Jane from them. 

Area 24 was a lab area, she saw as she entered it. The main focus was in the center of the large hangar type room, and that was a brick walled area surrounded by viewing ports and computer consoles. Toward the back of the area, she saw Steve talking with a lab coated scientist, and headed toward him. 

The cries of alarm that erupted from some of the S.H.I.E.L.D employees brought Darcy to a halt, eyes widening. She saw Steve’s head snap up, looking through one of the viewing ports in alarm, and winced as a man exploded out of one, arms up to shield his face. He tumbled smoothly to the floor and came to his feet already running. 

S.H.I.E.L.D agents moved to intercept him, but the long haired man, wearing green hospital scrubs, easily tossed them aside as he ran toward the exit. Toward Darcy. 

She was frozen and couldn’t move, not even when Steve saw her and cried out a warning. He was also chanting something that sounded like ‘fuck’ but that wasn’t quite it.

The prisoner skidded to a halt within arm’s length of Darcy. He had crazy eyes, face twisted and desperate. His hands were held low in front of him, ready to rip or destroy. Judging by the way everyone froze, she was in mortal danger right now. 

Darcy had seen enough internet pictures of the Winter Soldier to recognize him, even without the tactical clothes, but this man didn’t look like a cold blooded killing machine. He looked crazed and confused. 

She did the only thing she could think of, thrusting one of the Styrofoam coffee cups out at him. “Coffee?” she squeaked, eyes fixed on the twisted face in front of her. The eyes narrowed and glanced down at the cup, then looked back up at her. “It’s like the lifeblood of the universe,” she cajoled, shaking the cup slightly so its contents sloshed. 

She ignored Steve’s strangled “What are you doing?” from behind the prisoner, and pulled the coffee cup back to take a long audible sniff.. 

“Yummy stuff. Seriously. Pumpkin spice latte. Limited edition.”

A small corner of her mind wondered what she was doing, but those crazy eyes were calling to her. Even more so than Erik Selvig after Loki had scrambled his brain, this man’s eyes were like windows to hell. She reached out with the coffee cup again. “Good stuff,” she encouraged.

Like a wild animal, he moved a half step closer, eyes focused on the coffee cup being offered. Parts of his face twitched spasmodically, and he blinked several times. 

Behind her, Darcy heard booted footsteps and the man in front of her tensed, dropping into an alert crouch. She heard Steve hiss orders at the other agents to stand down, and the Winter Soldier relaxed slightly, but didn’t rise from his crouch. So Darcy slowly and carefully folded herself down into a cross legged seated position, coffee cup still held out in front of her. Wild animals always felt more threatened if something or someone was looming over them, so she figured the same thing probably held true for the man with the crazy eyes.

“So you know, when your boyfriend spends two weeks not seeing you, you start thinking that maybe there’s another woman or something, right?” Darcy did her best to appear completely harmless, not looking at the nearby train wreck of a man. “Imagine my surprise when I found out that it’s another man who’s taken up all his time. Kinda hard on a girl’s self-esteem, you know? I mean, despite my awesome charms, Thor completely fell for Jane. And that’s cool and all, good for her, right? Then I get my own blond hunk of loving, and that’s just awesome. But now? Now he’s cheating on me with a long haired brunette with cheek stubble.”

It wasn’t her imagination that one corner of the escapee’s mouth twitched upward, and for a second, he seemed to really be looking at her and seeing her. Then the madness swirled back in, and whatever had been there was swept away. 

“Darce.” Steve’s voice was low and apologetic. He was inching closer, trying to appear as harmless as possible, but Darcy could see the tensing of the wild man in front of her.

“Uh uh,” she chastised softly. “You stay right where you are, Rogers. I’ll deal with you a little later.” Her gaze moved to the man in front of her. “Hey you. With the long hair. Rock star. My arm is getting really tired holding this coffee out to you. I have terrible upper body strength. You gonna drink this? It’s really awesome stuff.”

Crazy eyes met hers, swept around the area behind her, then slid back to her. With a soft sigh, he dropped to his butt on the floor in front of her, and his real hand reached out to take the coffee from hers.

Darcy lowered her arm, watching as he drew the coffee cup to his mouth, and took a sip. It was probably too sweet, but Steve did like sweet stuff, so she always had his made as sweet as hers. He completely deserved to lose his coffee for staying away from her for two weeks. 

She wiggled her arm to shake it out and dropped it to her side. “Good, right?”

Her new coffee buddy didn’t say anything, but kept sipping, eyes now closed. 

Her butt was numb by the time crazy guy was done, even though it really didn’t take that long. But since she was sitting on a concrete floor, it didn’t take long. The funny thing was that no one moved. The S.H.I.E.L.D agents had frozen in place, and even Steve hadn’t moved. He was just watching cautiously.

When a hand extended, rather demanding, Darcy snorted. “You want mine too? I gave you Steve’s coffee, because it’s the least he deserves after abandoning me for you, right? But you want my coffee now?”

The fingers flexed a little. “Are you making grabby hands at me?” Darcy asked. “I had to wait in line for like ten minutes to get these coffees. I didn’t even get to take a sip.”

The crazy eyes opened, and the fingers flexed again. Darcy heaved a huge sigh. “Fine. You look like you need it more than me anyhow.” She delivered the coffee cup into the waiting hand and then just sat there, watching as he sipped the other coffee. “Dude, you’re going to be bouncing off the walls for the rest of the night. Hehehe. Sorry S.H.I.E.L.D agents and scientists. I’m sugaring him up and giving him back to you.” She tilted her head to one side. “I’m bad like that, sorry. Hey Rock Star! You gonna go quietly back to your current ‘room’ now? I’m sure they’re trying to help you. They have a funny, sometimes shitty, way of going about it, but the good intentions are still there.”

Crazy eyes looked at her over the rim of the coffee cup, swept the area behind her, and finally glanced behind him at the other agents gathered. One corner of mouth quirked up into a smile or smirk or something, quickly hidden by the coffee cup. 

He was relatively docile after finishing the second cup of coffee, and allowed himself to be surrounded and led back to a different cell. Darcy watched him go, then stood up in time to be swept off her feet.

“Steve,” she gasped out. “I can’t…I can’t breathe, Steve.”

He relaxed his hold somewhat, face pressed into her hair. “You were very brave, but that wasn’t a smart thing to do,” he murmured. “He could have killed you.”

Darcy squeezed him tight, but her thoughts couldn’t pull feel of the crazy/tortured eyes that had stared back at her. “He just…he really looked like he needed a friend. Are you sure that’s the guy who was a cold-blooded killing machine?”

Steve nodded. “Yeah. He’s…it’s a long story.” He took a step back and wrapped one arm around her, guiding her toward the new holding cell. Inside, the man who was the Winter Soldier was curled up on the floor, shivering. 

Darcy’s first impulse was to yell that he needed more comfort in his cell, but then she saw the mattress. He had simply chosen not to use it.

“He’s not cold,” Steve reassured her. “He has reactions like this after something that’s considered a breakthrough in his programming.”

She stepped back from the viewing port and looked up, finally getting a good look at her man. Steve’s eyes were ringed in dark circles, and his face was a little gaunt. Why would he be so affected by what happened a former Russian assassin?

“Talk to me, Steve. What’s going on?”

His forehead creased, and for a second, tears shimmered in his eyes. “I don’t have a lot of answers yet. But his name is James Buchanan Barnes. He died over 70 years ago. I watched him fall to his death. I couldn’t save him.”

Darcy cupped his face in her hands, feeling disbelief course through her veins. “That’s your best friend Bucky? Are you kidding?”

Steve’s head moved from side to side slowly. “No. He…he recognized that he knew me. And when that happened, it overloaded his programming, and…” his voice caught thickly. “He’s been like you saw him today since we brought him in. Mostly just prowling around like a wild animal. Today was the first time he tried to break out. Natasha has tried to visit with him, and that apparently makes him go beserk, so she stays away now. His reaction to me hasn’t been predictable.”

Darcy stepped into his space, sliding her arms around him, feeling the shaking. It was killing him to watch his best friend like this. But was that worse than Barnes staying dead, or not?

When she asked him, Steve shook his head violently. “No! Even if this is all we ever get out of him, I’ll take it. At least…at least I have him back.”

“And maybe you’ll stop having nightmares of him falling,” she whispered into his chest.

Steve drew back from her. “I can’t ask you to stick around for this. It’s going to get worse before it gets better, and it’s already been pretty bad. It’s not fair to you.” He was doing his noble, self-sacrificing captain thing, and it pissed her off. 

“You can shovel that shit right out of your ass,” she snapped at him, socking him in the arm. “He’s your best friend, Steve. And he’s been through shit even worse than you, apparently. What kind of girl would I be if I let you push me away just because things were going to get tough?” She balled up her fists and placed them on her hips, daring him to try to dump her. 

Steve shook his head. “Darce…this is going to require all of my energy and focus.” He ducked his head, eyes staring down at the floor. “He needs me. More than you do.”

Darcy swallowed hard. He wasn’t wrong, but no one should have to go through this experience by themselves, and she felt invested already. She reached out and took his hands, hating that they were shaking slightly. “He needs all the help he can get. I’ll be here for you, so you can be there for him, and I’ll do whatever I can to help him.” Because those eyes….

Steve slumped. “I don’t deserve you,” he whispered. 

Darcy smiled. “I know. It’s more like a punishment than anything else.”

***************************************************************************************************************************************************************  
Darcy wasn’t expecting to be pulled into the Winter Soldier’s rehabilitation, or was it deprogramming? But the next day, she got a phone call from Steve. Apparently Barnes was so agitated he was in danger of hurting himself, and no one could get near him. One of the scientists had a crazy idea, so an hour after that, she was riding the elevator down to Subsection C, with two pumpkin spice lattes in hand. Well, okay, she actually had a carrier with four, because she wanted one, and Steve should have one too, but the other two were for Mr. Grumpy.

Poor Steve looked pretty rough when she got there, with his hair sticking up at odd angles, and a weary expression that was in every line of his body. 

“That bad?” Darcy asked softly, handing him a coffee.

Steve sipped gratefully. “Yeah.” He blinked slowly. “I asked Barton if this is what Natasha went through, because she was part of the same Russian spy group. Barton said it wasn’t anything like this though. Natasha was raised to be an assassin. Bucky…I don’t want to know what they did, but they tore him apart and remade him into the Winter Soldier. So it’s much, much worse.”

Barnes had heard her arrival, apparently, because he stopped tearing around his cell. Darcy was waved over hurriedly, and peered in the viewing port, only to jerk back in surprise when she looked right into the crazy eyes. He was peering out, and when he saw her, his hands came up, fingers flexing. 

Darcy almost laughed. “You got grabby hands again, Barnes.”

He frowned. She noticed, but she had decided on the way here that she wasn’t going to call him James (as Natasha did), and she hadn’t met the part of him that was Bucky, so she couldn’t call him that, and Winter Soldier was completely out of the question. So he was Barnes. 

Darcy was made a little nervous by the four S.H.I.E.L.D agents flanking her when the cell door opened. But Barnes stood a safe distance back from it, focused on the coffee cups in her hands. She made a decision then, and stepped into the cell with him, ignoring the strangled noise that probably came from Steve. She folded herself down to sit on the mattress that was on the floor, and seconds later, the mattress dipped beside her.

She didn’t look at him. “Heard you been cutting up today, Barnes. You gonna behave while I’m in here?”

She could see grabby hands beside her, the real one and the cybernetic one, so she lifted one of the coffees out of the carrier and handed it over. She took one, and sat the carrier down on the floor between them. 

“I’m drinking this one,” she warned him. “Don’t be greedy, okay? I brought you two.”

He didn’t say anything, but had both hands wrapped around the coffee cup, sipping. 

“Meet any of the others yet?” she inquired. “Well, yeah, I guess you have. But what about Thor? Have you met Thor yet? He’s the God of Thunder. Cool guy. Good for eye candy. I tased him once.”

She was aware of his eyes looking at her, and hid a smile. “He was crashing around the desert, all ‘Hammer!’ and stuff. He freaked me out, so I tased him. That was after Jane hit him with the van. Thor’s pretty tough though, so it just knocked him out for a little. It was really hard getting him up into the van. He’s heavy. But he looks on me like a little sister now. You know, cuz I took care of Jane after he left. He promised to come back, but he didn’t. Not for two years. He had a good excuse though, so Jane only slapped him a few times.”

He didn’t say a word, just sipped and listened as she rambled, telling him about things in her life, or just aimlessly speaking. It was hard to imagine this was the same guy that had terrorized everyone for most of the day. He was so calm right now. Almost, but not quite at peace. She could still feel tense awareness in him, but not anything close to the hyper activity she’d been called in to help calm. 

“You can pretend it’s the coffee all you want to, Barnes,” she told him at one point. “But I know it’s just my awesome self you wanted to see again.”

When he finished the second coffee, he actually placed the empty cup back in the carrier. They just sat in silence for a long time. Darcy looked around curiously, not liking what she saw but understanding the reason for it. There was no bed frame, probably because it could be disassembled and used as a weapon. There was a plastic toilet that wasn’t attached to any kind of plumbing. It had a water tank on the back, and a dump pedal at the base. She guessed that there was a small hole in the floor under it where waste would be dumped. Nothing big enough to escape through, and no pipes that could be used as weapons. The toilet itself could be used, but it was plastic so wouldn’t do too much damage. 

“Are they protecting you from yourself, or protecting themselves from you?” she wondered. 

There was a quiet snort beside her, and she considered that an accomplishment.

An intercom somewhere in the cell flickered to life, and someone was telling her to come out. Darcy started to rise, but stopped when a metal hand moved to rest on her knee. Not hard, not actually restraining her, but just a quiet request. He wasn’t looking at her, staring straight ahead at the wall, lines of his jaw just as impossible as Steve’s. 

“Not right now,” she called to the wall. Then she turned to look at the supposedly broken man beside her. “I’m not having sex with you, Barnes. Just because I’m sitting on your mattress in your room…well, that doesn’t mean a thing. Besides, Steve and I are together, and I’m sure he wouldn’t like that at all. Plus, not into exhibitionism, and there’s people watching, so no.”

He turned those haunted eyes on her, and she could see the slightest undercurrent of mirth in them. He found her funny. Good.

She lost track of how long she stayed, but finally had to get up to leave. That coffee had run through her, and she was not using the dump toilet in the corner. Barnes didn’t try to stop her this time. 

“I’ll be back tomorrow,” she told him. “So no tearing the place up, okay? Don’t think I didn’t see all those dents in the wall.”

He seemed to be lost inside himself, and didn’t look up at her or react. Darcy scooped to pick up the coffee carrier and empty cups, and then stepped over to the door. A half circle of agents, guns trained on the floor but at the ready, stood outside. One of them pulled her out roughly, and then sealed the door behind her. 

“Ow,” she protested, rubbing her arm. “Jerk. I was fine.”

The agent in question raised an eyebrow at her. There was a purpling bruise spreading across the left side of his face. “This was from lunch time,” he explained in a brittle voice. “He looked just like he does now, but as soon as the door opened, he was on his way out.” He frowned down at her. “I know you and Rogers both have soft spots for this guy, but he’s a killer. Don’t forget that.”

On one hand, Darcy could appreciate his warning. But on the other hand, she had just spent hours in the ‘killer’s’ cell, and didn’t have a scratch on her. “He was a killer,” she corrected. “Now, he’s becoming something else. Maybe if you don’t treat him like a killer, he won’t act like one.”

She found Steve dozing in a chair. The dark circles around his eyes were very pronounced, and she wondered how long it had been since he’d done anything other than nap. That was going to change.

She woke him up, and bullied him out of Area 24. “C’mon Steve. You need to sleep.”

He was exhausted enough that he didn’t argue, and after getting him back to his place, she bullied him into a shower, and then to bed. He looked so lost, curled up on his side with his head pillowed on her shoulder, and one arm thrown across her stomach. In sleep, the part of him that was Captain America faded, and he was just Steve Rogers. Right now, he was scared for his friend, and he desperately needed her. 

********************************************************************************************************************************

She was there every day. The S.H.I.E.L.D scientists speculated that because she had no ties to either of his lives, Barnes felt at peace with her. The two separate lives within him weren’t warring with each other when she was there, so he could relax. 

She had Steve start coming in with her, and at first it was very tense. Barnes would usually grow very agitated and jump up to pace violently. It nearly destroyed Steve. He would sit beside her, hands balled into fists and hunched into himself as his best friend kept away from him. 

Darcy would always chastise Barnes, telling him that it wasn’t very nice of him to so obviously not want Steve there. Violence only erupted one time. Barnes was pacing in agitation, and Steve finally just snapped. “Why can’t you just sit and be calm?”

Barnes whirled, eyes narrowed in deadly purpose, and launched himself across the cell. Darcy shrieked, throwing herself off the mattress and rolling across the floor away from the flailing arms and legs of the two combatants. 

“Out!” Steve yelled, grunting as he was thrown into the wall. “Darcy – out now!”

No way. She flinched, pressing herself into the wall, but did not move closer to the door. The agents outside wouldn’t open it unless she was right up on it, for security reasons. She didn’t blame them. 

Steve was taking a beating though. He wouldn’t fight back, not against his best friend, so kept trying to dodge and slip around Barnes, but in the small cell, that was impossible. Darcy knew that he would be okay, but she didn’t want to see them fighting. 

“Stop it Barnes!” she called out, and ducked as Steve was thrown into the wall above her head. He fell with a thump right behind her, and she stood in front of him protectively, arms out. She was facing the Winter Soldier now, and it was more than a little terrifying. 

“Darcy,” Steve hissed. “Don’t.”

She faced down the assassin, so angry she could barely see straight. “You will not hurt him anymore, Barnes. He’s your best friend. And maybe you don’t really remember that right now, but I’m betting somewhere deep inside, you do remember. And if you want me to ever, EVER, come back to visit, you’ll stand down right now.”

She saw the change come over him. The ice blue of his eyes faded into green, and he blinked several times. He looked around at the dents in the walls, the man on the floor behind her, anywhere but at her, and then folded in on himself and sat down abruptly, head in his hands. Another breakthrough, then. 

She moved over and sat down beside him, one hand reaching out to rest on his metal arm. She hadn’t really touched him before, and a shudder ran through his whole body. Darcy knew it was stupid and foolish, but she couldn’t help herself, and slid one arm around his back. Barnes nearly convulsed, bending over to press his face into his legs, entire body shaking so hard it had to hurt. 

Darcy bit back tears, and just kept her arm in a loose circle around him. She shared an agonized look with Steve, who did have tears in his eyes while watching his best friend suffer so much. He sat up against the wall, moving slowly so as not set off another incident. 

When Barnes’s real hand reached out, fingers flexing, Darcy at first thought he was reaching for coffee. But then a choked noise came from the throat of the man beside her, and then again. 

“Punk? Steve?”

It was so garbled it was almost unrecognizable, but Steve gasped and scrambled forward. He clasped the hand that was reaching for him, and bent over it, shaking just as hard as Barnes.

Watching both of them suffer through so much emotional torment was painful. Darcy reached out with the hand that was still around Barnes’s back, and placed it on Steve’s shoulder. They would be okay. It would take time, but they would be okay.

It wasn’t completely smooth sailing from that point, but it did get a lot easier. There were days when Barnes would get confused, days when he snapped and shouted at everyone, but he didn’t forget who Steve was, and he always wanted Darcy near him. 

When he started flirting with the scientists, Steve made a decision, and went head to head with a mostly recovered Nick Fury. “He needs to be out of here. He’s told you all he remembers about his employers.”

Fury didn’t want to bend. “He is a former Russian assassin responsible for hundreds of deaths!”

“He isn’t responsible for any of them,” Steve corrected. “And you know that. I’m not letting him stay locked up here anymore.” He smiled tightly. “He’ll be with me and Darcy. We’ll keep him in line.”

The shocked expression on Barnes’s face, when the cell door was opened but not guarded, was worthy of a picture, and Darcy snapped one with her phone. She then made a come on gesture with her hand to the suddenly shy man in the cell. 

“What?” she called in challenge. “You don’t want to leave?”

He poked his head out cautiously, eyes darting back and forth. There were watchful eyes on him, but no one was holding a gun, and he could easily see that. He could also see Darcy and Steve waiting for him. 

“I’m…I can leave?” he asked slowly.

Steve nodded. “Yes. We have to keep you close for a little while yet, but not in here. Not anymore.” He grinned. “C’mon jerk. Let’s get you reacquainted with the world.”

Barnes’s first steps outside the cell were shaky, but he rapidly gained confidence, enough to flash a saucy wink at one of the women in lab coats. Darcy just rolled her eyes. 

“C’mon Barnes,” she ordered. “Let’s get you out of here before you get slapped.”

He tried to affect an innocent expression, but it only looked devilish, and Darcy figured she was finally seeing Bucky. Such an opposite to Steve’s quiet reserve, but also a compliment to the captain’s personality. They made a strong partnership.

She threaded her left arm through Steve’s, her right arm through Barnes’s, and turned away from Area 24 with a light heart.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I can fully admit when I have a problem. I was on my home from the store, with yet another bag of pumpkin spice coffee (I hadn’t seen this brand before!), when the idea for this part of the story came to me. So, while I may have enough pumpkin spice coffee to last until next fall, it seems to be good for the creative muse also.
> 
> I completely blame Jadzia_Bear for the tasing scene.

Darcy took a deep breath, counted to ten, and then decided that it really wasn’t that important in the scheme of things. Right? A girl could totally live with having to put the toilet seat down every single freaking time she wanted to use it. Right?

Then again…

“I’m sure it can’t possibly be that hard to remember to put the freaking seat down!” she called out the bathroom door, before shutting it firmly.

Adjusting to a new roommate was challenging. Bucky was a little skittish, like that recently tamed wild animal that still wasn’t really sure why you were feeding it and caring for it. Both Darcy and Steve had taken extended leaves of absence from their jobs, barring any emergencies of course, in order to help him settle in. And he was doing very well. 

Darcy, on the other hand, was having a tougher time adjusting to even more testosterone in the apartment. 

So, okay, Bucky was sort of like her and Steve’s love child. They’d raised him from the crazed psychopath he’d been, and now he was like an annoying teenager, complete with mood swings and temper tantrums. His little taste of freedom wasn’t enough, and he constantly tested the limits. 

“Why can’t I go out by myself?” he had asked when they first arrived home. To Darcy, it had felt like coming home from the hospital with an overgrown newborn.

Steve at least remained patient. “S.H.I.E.L.D has a file on you that’s almost too long to read, Buck. They’re not convinced that the Winter Soldier is gone. The deal to get you out of confinement was that you can’t be alone. At least not for awhile.”

This apparently had encouraged Bucky to wander around the apartment, moving things, taking other things apart, and completely disrupting the normal order of Darcy’s life. And since he did it all with that damnable smirk, she knew very well that he was trying to be disagreeable. 

When she confronted him about it, he’d grinned even more. “Just trying to learn about things, pumpkin. All this is new to me.”

She’d stared hard at him. “You are so full of shit it’s a wonder that your eyes aren’t brown.”

He had winked and went off to rearrange all the dishes in the kitchen. She heard him doing it, but chose not to acknowledge it. He wanted the attention, and she wasn’t going to give it to him.

Steve was too delighted at having his best friend back to call him out on his irritating behavior. “He’ll calm down,” he assured Darcy, as she reordered the dishes

“Was he always this challenging?” she asked in exasperation, finding dirty dishes in the cabinets, and clean dishes in the sink, still wet from the sprayer. The sprayer itself stuck out at an odd angle, with a rough knot tied in its hose. 

Steve rolled his eyes to the ceiling in thought, then finally shrugged with a sheepish expression. “Frequently.”

Bucky also apparently thought it was hysterical to call her pumpkin, in a nod to how she had connected to him. The first dozen times she heard it, Darcy just rolled her eyes, but it did grow on her. After all, she had tamed him with pumpkin spice coffee, which really was kind of funny.

She was used to Steve’s nightmares by now, and knew enough to interrupt them only from a safe distance, but she wasn’t prepared for the first night Bucky woke up screaming. She bolted out of bed and to his room, only to narrowly avoid a shoe that was thrown at her head. 

Bucky was crouched in the corner of his room, other shoe in his hand, still locked in a dream. He was snarling at her in another language, eyes wild and crazed. 

Steve dashed past her and threw a glass of ice water in Bucky’s face. It had the desired reaction – Bucky sputtered in shock for a few seconds, then shook his head, blinked several times, and then just seemed to collapse in on himself. Steve moved in to sit beside him, one arm around his shoulders, murmuring a quiet reassurance. Darcy joined them, sitting on Bucky’s left, holding on to the cybernetic arm. That always seemed to help settle him.

The raw emotion on Bucky’s face reminded Darcy that he had been through hell, and left her feeling somewhat more tolerant of the testing behavior. A little bit. 

Bucky finally looked up at them. “What will you do?” he asked in a strangled voice. “If I wake up like that and can’t break out of it?”

“I’ll tase you in the balls, Barnes,” Darcy replied cheerfully, patting his metal forearm. “Bet that will reset your brain.” She noticed the open mouthed disbelief from both and shrugged. “What? I I freak out easily. He starts speaking in tongues again and I’ll give him a reason to stop.” She pointed her finger at Barnes like it was a gun, and made a sizzling noise.

When they both crossed their legs, she tried not to laugh.

“Stark totally upgraded my taser, by the way, so it will be enough to put you down.”

They did talk about it seriously later on. Both Bucky and Steve were convinced that it could happen. If Bucky’s mind couldn’t pull free of the dream, if he was stuck as the Winter Soldier, he would immediately identify the two of them as his captors, and react appropriately. He would attempt to neutralize them. Darcy listened, trying not to be scared. In a very short time, Bucky had wormed his way into her heart, and she wouldn’t give up on him. It would absolutely kill Steve if she did. 

None of them was expecting it to happen, and the hope was that it didn’t. 

***************************************************************************************************************************************************

Usually, it was one of the guys who struggled with sleep. Darcy was pretty used to that now, after three weeks of having a new roommate. Like Steve, Bucky had a tendency to wake up screaming, or pace around the apartment all night. But for once, Darcy was the one struggling with insomnia, staring up at the ceiling in the dark while holding on to Steve’s slumbering form. He had been called out with the Avengers today, and it hadn’t been pretty. Three New York policemen had lost their lives, and another two were in critical condition. The group responsible was apparently linked to Steve and Bucky’s past, and it had brought up a lot of suppressed memories. 

Bucky’s face, when he heard who was responsible, had drained of color, taking on a haunted expression that made Darcy’s stomach clench. For all that he was an infuriating scoundrel most of the time, she sometimes almost forgot why he was with them. But his reaction to Steve’s news reminded her, forcefully, that he’d lived through hell.

Instead of talking to either her or Steve, Bucky had retreated to his room. Darcy checked in on him once, to find him lying on his bed, hands behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. It was…disturbing. There was no music playing, and the TV was off, so he had no distractions from his thoughts. 

“Hey Barnes,” she called lightly. “Everything okay?”

He nodded. “Just fine, pumpkin. But the punk is probably taking it pretty hard, about those policemen. Worry about him.”

It was clearly a dismissal, so she left him alone with his thoughts, and bullied Steve into the shower. He was upset, as Bucky had predicted, and it had taken a bit of pampering for him to relax enough to fall asleep. She couldn’t drop off, though. There were too many feelings and frustrations for her boyfriend and his best friend that were running through her mind. So she just stared up into the darkness, holding Steve and taking comfort in his warmth.

The slightest creak of floorboards caught her attention, followed by the tiniest of sounds as a door was pushed open. It was close, closer than the outside door, so it had to be Bucky’s door, but no lights were on. Both he and Steve were adamant about that. If they tried to sneak around, the other one reacted poorly, so it was just better to turn on lights and do things as usual. This? This screamed out that something was very wrong.

Suddenly, all those warnings from both Steve and Bucky flashed in Darcy’s head, and her heart started pounding so hard she couldn’t hear anything else. Her taser was on the bedside table, and she snapped a hand out to grab it. She angled it toward the door, hidden behind Steve’s shoulder, and squinted through the dark. Everything was blurry without her glasses, and this was possibly like the most cliché horror movie ever, and her poor heart was just going to burst. It was pounding so hard she could practically taste it. 

Her knee rose to poke into Steve’s side, trying to rouse him, but he was deeply asleep and didn’t stir. Figures. 

The floorboards creaked in succession, coming ever closer. Darcy was almost panting, muscles so tense she was shaking. Her mouth was open so she could breathe silently, and draw in enough air to keep from passing out. The taser was clenched so tightly that her hands ached.

When she saw the darker than dark shadow at the door, Darcy was pretty sure her heart exploded. She tried to remember that she had survived a killer robot and a dark elf invasion, but this was more terrifying because of its proximity. This was Bucky, or rather some shattered remnant of his former sociopathic life that was stalking into their room. And he was stalking, gliding sideways like a cat ready to pounce. There was something in his hand, but she couldn’t make out what it was in the dim light from the window. He was completely and utterly silent and terrifying.

Unfortunately for him, he made the mistake of moving toward Steve first. 

“Wrong move,” she told him as she lifted the taser over Steve’s shoulder and fired. 

Bucky, or the Winter Soldier, or whoever the hell he was at the moment, grunted softly, and then dropped to the floor, limbs twitching. Darcy elbowed Steve sharply while trying to force air back into her lungs. That had been too real.

“Huh? What?” Steve’s voice was adorably sleep confused.

“Some super soldier,” Darcy accused in a shaky voice. “How did you survive in the war?” She really needed him awake and alert right now, because that had possibly been the scariest thing ever, and she wanted to know her superhero boyfriend was ready to protect her.

Steve inhaled against the pillow. “What are you talking about?”

“Wake the hell up, would you?” she snapped. 

Her sharp tone did the trick, and Steve went from dopey just woke up to bouncing out of bed in a ready stance. He landed on Bucky, but rolled and tumbled smoothly across the room. Only Captain freaking America could make falling on his face look intentional and graceful at the same time. Darcy hated him sometimes, just for that. 

He ended his tumble in a crouch and whirled to confront his best friend, who was still out cold and sprawled on the floor. Then he looked up at Darcy, sitting up in bed with taser clenched in both hands, white knuckles and all. 

“Are you okay?”

“What do you think?” she squeaked. “That was terrifying, Steve. Like every horror movie ever where the killer stalks the star. He was stalking us! Like a freaking oversized cat or something.” She shuddered hard, taser still aimed at the twitching body on the floor. 

Steve rose to his feet and was moving toward her when Bucky groaned. They both tensed, looking at the man on the floor. He was stirring slowly, still twitching, and finally rolled to one side, real hand and cybernetic hand coming down to cradle his groin.

“You tased me in the balls,” Bucky groaned, knees drawing up in a fetal position. “Shit, pumpkin, that hurt!”

Her breath whooshed out of her in relief, matching Steve’s own exhale. “I warned you,” she said shakily. “You were stalking us. That was so completely uncool.” Then, his gentle rocking on the floor made her feel a little bad. “I’m sorry?”

“I’m not,” he replied, voice still strained. “You were right. It brought me back. Damn punk. Please tell me she did that to you at least once. And that it hurt.”

Steve laughed. It was a little tentative, but almost like a signal that all was okay. Darcy relaxed a little, and unwound her fingers from her taser. She placed it back on the nightstand, and then, conscious of her current state of not-very-dressed, tugged the bed sheets up to her chest. Not that Bucky was looking, since he was still curled up in a fetal position, but she didn’t want to be flashing the girls at him. And her loose camisole was practically see-through. 

Steve saw her move and smiled tiredly. He took the two steps necessary to reach the bedroom door, and snagged Darcy’s robe that hung on a hook. He tossed it to her, then made his way over to Bucky. 

“You ready to get up, jerk?” He toed Bucky in the hip.

“She fried my balls. What do you think?”

Darcy slid out of bed on the opposite side to the two men and pulled her robe on. She padded around the foot of the bed to stand at Steve’s side, looking down at Bucky in sympathy. “I am sorry, Barnes.”

His real hand flapped dismissively at her, so Darcy decided to make coffee. She’d stocked up on pumpkin spice before they moved Bucky in, and figured that would be her best chance at apology. “Gonna make coffee,” she advised, and then slipped out of the bedroom, allowing Bucky to have some dignity while he recovered. 

He definitely had a coffee problem that she was probably the cause of. She liked coffee just fine, but not at all times of the day. Bucky, on the other hand, liked to keep drinking it all day long. Part of that was to prevent sleep, she thought. His sleep didn’t often come without nightmares, and those nightmares haunted him. Coffee helped prevent sleep, so he took advantage of it.

The smell of pumpkin spice coffee helped soothe her nerves. She hadn’t been exaggerating when she’d told Steve that the whole incident had been terrifying. Her heart was still thumping harder than normal, and she could still see that silent stalking shadow moving toward them. It had worn Bucky’s outline, but it hadn’t been him at all, and she wondered how much it must have hurt Steve to see his best friend before he was deprogrammed. 

She pulled their coffee mugs out of the dishwasher. Bucky had stopped rearranging things after his first week with them, so she no longer had to search for things. They remained where she put them. Except for the toilet seat. That appeared to be a continuing battle.

When they appeared in the kitchen, Bucky had a noticeable bowlegged walk and Darcy felt just awful. 

“I’m really sorry, Barnes.”

He propped a hip against the counter, tired eyes staring into hers. “I told you, pumpkin – I’m not. I don’t want to be that thing anymore. Whatever it takes to shock me out of it is good.” He looked down at his coffee mug, then back up at her. Waiting.

It was the strangest thing, and Darcy figured it was because of her part in his deprogramming. Certain patterns of behavior had been established, and maybe he felt a superstitious fear that if they did things differently, he would revert. He would not pick up the coffee mug on his own. Ever. They would stare, having a silent contest of wills, until he either made grabby hands, or she got tired of waiting. Then she would lift the mug and hand it to him.

After tasing him in the balls, she wasn’t going to make him wait. Darcy lifted the mug and deposited it into his slightly twitching hands. Aftereffects of the tasing, or the prelude to grabby hands, she wasn’t quite sure. Seeing the peace that came over him while sipping the coffee totally made her feel a little better.

“So,” she mused, taking a sip of her own. “How do we prevent this in the future? Because if I hadn’t been awake…”

Steve obviously had something in mind that he wasn’t too thrilled about, judging by the thoughtful expression followed by thinned lips. 

“What?” Darcy prompted him. “You’ve already thought of something.”

He nodded. “But I don’t really like it. Stark offered awhile back, and then again when he found out we were moving Bucky in with us.”

Darcy blinked. “Jarvis,” she guessed. 

Steve sighed. “Buck and I have been talking about the possibility since he got here. Any normal warning systems could easily be dismantled by that part of him. But not Jarvis.”

“It’s probably the only option,” Bucky admitted softly. “I’d…I’d feel a lot better with something that put me down right away, or wake Steve up right away.”

Darcy looked down into her coffee mug as she took a sip. She could understand why Steve didn’t like the idea. Tony Stark didn’t have a lot of respect for privacy, and installing his AI butler could compromise their private life. But Bucky was right. They needed to have something to take instant action, and Jarvis would be the most reliable piece of technology to monitor Bucky.

She looked back up to see Steve and Bucky staring at each other, parts of their faces twitching or moving. “Stop the silent talking thing,” she grumped. “I don’t speak the language and it’s annoying.”

Bucky flashed a tired grin. “Comes from growing up together, pumpkin. And from fighting a war together. You have to be able to communicate silently, or something unexpected you did could get you or your buddies killed.”

The sound of Steve’s coffee mug dropping to the floor and shattering was deafening. Darcy looked up at him sharply, seeing the stricken expression on his face, like someone had stabbed him through the heart. She stepped toward him but Bucky was much faster. He slid into Steve’s space, one hand curling around the back of his neck, the other falling onto Steve’s shoulder. He leaned forward, pressing his forehead to Steve’s. 

“It wasn’t your fault,” Bucky whispered fiercely, knocking his forehead against Steve’s, face twisting with suppressed emotion. “Don’t blame yourself. Don’t you dare.”

Steve’s sorrow hit Darcy hard. She gasped and blinked back tears, wanting to go to him, but recognizing that they needed this moment. It had been brewing since Bucky first reached out to his best friend. They hadn’t talked about his ‘death’ and Steve felt a shit-ton of guilt about it.

“I couldn’t save you,” he said thickly, body shaking. “I should have been able to save you!”

Bucky’s smile shone through his own sudden tears. “You did. So many times. I made my own choices, punk. I chose to follow you. I still will. Into hell if necessary.”

Darcy stood silently, tears pouring from her own eyes, and just watched. Steve, always a rock, always putting his own feelings aside for the good of others, couldn’t seem to pull himself together. He kept shaking, face splotched and twisted in an effort to hold back his own tears. His arms hung limply at his sides, fists clenched tightly. 

Bucky held onto him, murmuring soft reassurances, forehead still pressed to Steve’s. He glanced at Darcy out of the corner of his eye, and then looked down at the coffee spreading on the floor. Huh. He must have dropped his own mug in his haste to get to Steve, and there was an impressive puddle widening across the kitchen floor.

Shit. Darcy wiped tears from her eyes, put her coffee mug on the counter, and withdrew silently, heading to the bathroom closet to grab dirty towels. She’d throw a load in the washer once she cleaned up the floor. 

She deliberately took her time, painstakingly pulling already used cleaning rags and bath towels out of the dirty towel hamper. The quiet kitchen was almost deafening, even in the bathroom, with so much that didn’t really even need to be said. Bucky wouldn’t let go until Steve forgave himself. Somehow Darcy knew that. He’d been through hell, and that would be with him forever, but he had meant what he’d said. He chose to follow Steve, and he still would. Steve needed to accept that.

When she finally returned to the kitchen, they had separated, but were still standing in a puddle of coffee. Steve’s eyes were red rimmed, and there were tracks down his cheeks that told her he had finally let go and cried. 

“Took ya long enough,” Bucky told her, voice a little hoarse. The little shit had her coffee mug in his hands, and was drinking it. Ah, so it was okay to steal other people’s mugs, but he wouldn’t pick up his own. 

Darcy glared at him and dropped her armful of towel on the puddle. She reached out briefly to Steve, sliding a hand along his cheek. He shuddered and squeezed his eyes shut, but leaned his head into her touch, so Darcy knew he would be okay.

She dropped to her knees and began wiping up the spilled coffee. She had brought a clean towel with her as well, and kept it clear of the mess. When she had the puddle corralled in a ring of towels and rags, she picked up the clean towel, and looked up at Steve. From this vantage point, he was huge, towering over her and looking every inch a superhero, despite the sweatpants and bare chest that were his usual bedtime clothes. Even with his hair sticking out at odd angles, and the slightly haunted expression on his face, he was still a hero. 

“Feet,” she commanded, holding up the clean towel. 

She heard Bucky’s snort of mirth behind her. “Pumpkin, I thought you were gonna say something else, and I was getting ready to leave.”

“Shut up, Barnes.”

Steve lifted one foot out of the little puddle under him, and balanced while she dried his foot. Then he placed that one on a dry spot, and lifted the other. When she was done with him, he headed toward the bathroom to wash off his sticky feet. Darcy didn’t laugh at the small suction sound his feet made with every step. She wanted to, but Steve was obviously still working through quite a bit, and she thought that laughing right now wouldn’t really be appropriate. 

She pivoted on her heels, towel ready for Bucky. He was already waiting for her, one foot stuck out in front of him, dripping coffee onto a dry spot on the floor. Darcy dried one foot, and then the other, and then continued to dry the floor while Bucky watched her, still sipping her coffee. When she was mostly done, Darcy picked up the wettest towel and slapped it into Bucky’s stomach. 

“Here’s your coffee,” she told him, snatching her mug back out of his hands. 

The towel fell back to the floor with a wet plop, but it had left a large wet coffee spot on Bucky’s tee shirt, and there were rivulets of coffee running down toward his legs. He stared down at that, then looked back up at her, sagely sipping her coffee, and threw his head back to laugh. For the first time, she thought, it was free of its usual edge. 

Steve returned, and eyed Bucky carefully, as if expecting the laugh to be hysterical. When he saw the wet spot, and that Darcy had reclaimed her coffee, he also laughed, even though it was a little reserved. 

“Told you not to underestimate my girl, jerk.”

Bucky grinned, one hand coming down to staunch the spread of coffee toward his legs, using a dry piece of his tee shirt. “She’s something else, punk. I’m gonna take a quick shower, since I’m all sticky now. Make us some more coffee, pumpkin?”

Darcy wrinkled her nose at him, and hid her smile behind her coffee mug. “I will.”

Bucky trotted off toward the bathroom. Darcy watched him go, and then sat her coffee mug back down on the kitchen counter, and curled a finger at Steve. He grinned, and slid a few steps closer so she could slide her arms around him and burrow her face into his chest. 

“You okay?” she asked softly, breathing him in.

His arms tightened around her. “I feel a little raw, but I think I’ll finally be okay.”

“Good.”


End file.
